Love Over 40: How to Navigate the Dating Scene with Confidence

Are you back in the dating game after 40 and wondering where to start? After being single for the last 16 years but actively dating nobody special I could’ve thought “that’s it for my romantic life, destined to be alone”. But the cynic in me said “hey, I’ve been waiting for the divorces to start and now’s my time to shine”.

Did you know that a whopping 25% of the population over 40 have never been married? That’s a pretty good pool to go swimming in.

Whether you've been out of the scene for a while or just looking for a fresh approach, dating at this stage in life can be incredibly scary yet rewarding. Let’s dive into how you can navigate dating over 40 with confidence and joy.

Embrace Your Experience

One of the greatest advantages of dating after 40 is your life experience. You've likely learned a lot about yourself, what you want, and what you don't. This self-awareness is a powerful tool in the dating world. You hopefully know what a good relationship is and what isn’t. Those red flags are no longer collectible items, we throw them away because we know our worth. Green looks good on you!

Your confidence and clarity can make you incredibly attractive, even if your opinion of yourself has changed (thank you aging). Remember, you bring a wealth of experience to the table that can enrich any relationship. The days of superficial conversation and staying in a relationship “just because” are long gone.

Update Your Dating Profile

Have you dipped your toe in the dating pool? Created a profile just to be nosey and see who’s single and around? It’s time to update that sucker as your online dating profile is your first impression, so make it count!

Use current photos that show the true you – get rid of the filters, AI and the photos on nights out with your friends. Nobody enjoys turning up to meet a person that looks nothing like the person in the photo. Write a bio that reflects who you are and what you’re looking for. Honesty is key because you can’t match with somebody and expect it to progress if you don’t know what you’re looking for or pretend to look for something you think other people want. This will attract the right kind of attention and filter out those who aren't a good match.

There’s nobody here that’s going to tell you to stop going for the “attractive ones” – you do you x.

Be Clear About Your Intentions

There comes a time in life when it's important to communicate your intentions clearly from the start. Dating over the age of 40 is one of them. Intentions create boundaries from the start. Are you looking for a serious relationship or just some fun?

This will be difficult for some as it means being forthright, a trait that may not come naturally. I know that I have been afraid of this, in case I came across bossy and demanding – we can’t have that. Or can we? Being upfront can save you and your potential partners a lot of time and heartache.

Set your boundaries and stick to them. Honesty is the by far the best policy.

Try New Places and Activities

Dating doesn’t have to be limited to dating apps and online forums. Where can you meet singles in your 40’s? Expand your horizons by exploring new places and activities. Join classes, attend events, or try out new hobbies. These are great ways to meet new people in a relaxed environment.

Storytime: I was at a stage in life where I was happy on my own and had plans ON MY OWN. I didn’t even flinch if somebody I would normally fancy walked on by. It was going to be my dogs, wine and my own company. Those dogs crashed into my leg; it wasn’t healing so I went to a physiotherapist. Well, cupid struck upon entering that office. So, new places and activities doesn’t have to mean seeking out new hobbies, it can mean being open to something more in everyday life. Look up the next time you walk down the supermarket aisle.

On the downside, how often have you gone somewhere, seen somebody, caught their eye and then quickly looked away, red-faced and too embarrassed to even give an awkward wave (you know, the one with the pinky finger)? Dating off the apps is a minefield of self-mind-games. What if they’re under 40? What if they think I’m too old? My body isn't what it once was. The apps give you the security of knowledge and anonymity before approach.

Stay Safe and Savvy

Dating, especially online, comes with its own set of challenges. Stay safe by following the eight rules below:

1. Choose reputable dating apps and sites. These sites should have strong security measures and excellent reviews (seek personal experience reviews if possible).

2. Protect your personal information. Don’t give this out freely online, even if you feel a close bond with the other person. Ensuring you choose a unique username that doesn’t relate to your real name will add another layer of protection.

3. Look out for red flags. It’s easy to misconstrue this for being untrusting but you know what? Untrusting is okay. People have to earn your trust. Red flags can be asking for personal information too quickly, inconsistencies in their stories (especially if they seem too good to be true). If somebody professes their adoration quickly, take a breather and keep your guard up.

4. Plan a safe first meeting. Always meet in a public place and inform a friend or family member about your plans, including who you’re meeting, where, and when. Make plans with your own transportation to and from the location.

5. Trust your instincts. They’re pretty good after 40 years of experience. If something or someone doesn’t feel right, then back off. It’s okay to end a conversation or leave a date if you feel unsafe or uneasy - don't worry about trying to get out the toilet window, just state your feelings and intentions. It's all tied up to boundary setting.

6. Keep conversations to the platform initially. The dating site or app has a messaging system for initial conversations that add a layer of protection by allowing the platform to monitor these conversations. This will also allow you to report poor behaviour and have a record of the communication.

7. Avoid financial transactions. Just like in emails and fake SMS, DO NOT SEND MONEY! No matter what reason is given, requesting money is a giant red flag and there is no excuse for it.

8. Be cautious with social media links. Inviting somebody onto your social media account or entering theirs is like inviting a vampire into your house, they can keep entering until you move. It gives an insight into your personal life and you do not have control on what is done with this information.

These dating safety tips will seem logical, but we lose sight of them when prospective love is involved. Take precautions and practice safe dating.

Enjoy the Journey

The most important part of dating is to enjoy the dating process. Don't put too much pressure on finding "the one", trial and error play a big part here. Enjoy meeting new people and learning new things about yourself. Many people have found love and happiness after 40, and you can too.

Since I’ve reached my 40’s I’ve know many people that have enjoyed dating success. Success is different for everybody. For some, it might be finding your forever love, for others it might be not chickening out on a first date after divorce or a long-term relationship.

My Parting Thoughts

Dating after 40 can be a thrilling adventure filled with new opportunities. By embracing your experience, updating your dating profile, being clear about your intentions, trying new places and activities, staying safe, and enjoying the journey, you can navigate this new chapter with confidence and joy.

Most importantly, find joy in dating. If you are not enjoying it, then stop. It’s supposed to be fun, life after 40 is supposed to be fun!

I'd love to hear your stories and tips about dating after 40! Share your experiences in the comments below.

A X.